For the first experiment I was not allowed to talk for 15 minutes, while everybody else could. I decided to conduct my experiment amongst some of my best friends at girls-night out. We usually just hang out, have wine and catch up on current events in our and everybody else's life.
Since we do this on a regular basis I was sure it would be an easy task. Well, it was not. I tried to gesture that my two boys had a long Christmas list. All they got was that I was talking about a male or two with something long. Now mind you it was girls night out and they were on a one track mind, but they did not get much of what else I wanted to convey. I tried to engage into the conversation about their week and failed. It was like I played Charade with the worst bunch of people ever. Even when they really tried they had a hard time following my train of thought.
It was very frustrating and got tiring real quick. Everybody was engaged in it for about 8 minutes and then I just gave up.I ended up waiting out the time and just listened.
The only thing they did understand was when I raised my empty wine glass and pointed my finger at the bottle on the table. That made up for all they did not understand.I immigrated to the US from Germany about 20 years ago and felt old frustrations coming up as back then I had very limited English and huge language barriers. I think I got frustrated so easily, because I had flashbacks of people not understanding me. I have been a writer most of my life and the use of words, written or verbal, is a huge joy in my life. Not using language of any kind for 15 minutes during dinner was brutal.
The second experiment, where I was only allowed to use my voice, no gestures, no facial expressions and no change in town, I conducted at home with my two boys. My kids are 11 and 13 years old and I told them how I had to speak while I was speaking without gesture and change in tone. I had to say it twice, before they even paid attention and realized I was already on the task.
I never realized how I stretch words out when I talk to my teenagers and how much they need me to enforce every word I say. For example I would ask " Can you pleeeeaasssseee feed the dog", usually waiving the empty bowl, raising my voice or flailing my arms. Just talking plain and simple did not get their attention much.
So I decided to not ask them to do their chores, but to just talk about the weekend they had at their dads and about my weekend at home. I noticed that they lost interest in what I was saying pretty quickly. We were talking about the weekend and I had my hands tucked into my pockets. Even though their conversation was very animated I felt pretty lame just talking in a monotone voice. I had a great weekend, but saying it the way I did, it sounded totally lame. I even tried to tell a joke and it was not the hit it usually is.
My facial expression was like this
but inside I was like this:
While I am a big fan of words, them coming out of my mouth did not seem to be enough. Spoken words apparently need animation. I will no longer criticize my boys for sending me a text message filled with emoticons ... at least not until they learn how to become animated writers that do not need crutches like this.
Great descriptions on both of your experiments. Gave me a chuckle! But I think you missed the guidelines in this week's (Week 7) assignment folder that outlined everything that should be included in this post. Part of that included descriptions of your experiences, so you have that covered, but there were other questions that should have been addressed as well.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to update your post to receive half-credit on the sections you are missing, email me to let me know when I should come back and review your assignment.
Thank you for that. I don't know how I missed the rest of the assignment.
ReplyDeleteThe impressions I had from my friends when I was not able to talk was that they started to talk a bit differently. They had a hard time understanding that a) I could not comment on a conversation that included more than one person and b) that I could not respond to a long statement. They did alter their way of communication by speaking in a way that would allow me to answer without too many problems. They 'slowed' down a bit, which I found interesting. They spoke slower, collecting their thoughts but they also broke up what they wanted to say so that they were able to identify to what part of their conversation I tried to respond.
As it happened, we had 3 different cultures at the table. One of my friends is from Iran, I am from Germany and my other friends attending were from the US. I think the Americans had the advantage, as Germans have a lot more words and a lot longer sentences. I am not sure about Iran.
Individuals in our culture that may have difficulties communicating with spoken language are children and sometimes elderly people. People who speak with those individuals usually speak slower and in the case of older people louder. They repeat what they are saying more often.
In part 2 I was able to make it through the full 15 minutes. Partly because I was fascinated how little response and attention my boys had for my monotone voice. Plus I was sitting on my hands. Non speech language techniques are very important, as we are unable to convey sarcasm, humor, anger or aggressions. We can't show surprise or simply "give up" without saying a word.
There are many people that are able to read body language in my opinion. It is very important to read body language when you are on a date! Other areas where it is an advantage is at court or during negotiations. I have learned that 'crossed arms' are a sign of 'rejection', so if you are negotiating something and the other party crosses his/her arms it should give you a hint. I always check the body language of those around an ATM before I use it or am in any situation that may be challenging or potentially dangerous.
An environmental condition where it might be a benefit to not read body language is in an unpleasant situation where it is important to maintain professional, polite or understanding. For example, being stopped by a police officer whose body language tells you that you are at his mercy might upset you and be snappy or have an attitude.
Thank you for the follow-up.
DeleteCan you think of a specific group who have difficulty reading body language?
Older people and children would be my guess. Or reading the body language of people from another culture. I know that Italians for example have a very animated hand usage during conversation that could be read as aggression, if you only see the body language and don't know what they are saying. Other than that I can't think of a any group other than people that have mental disorders or retardation?
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